i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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