Where is the hickey?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
