I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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