What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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