She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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