foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
