dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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