I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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