omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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