So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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