the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
