So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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