Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
