And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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