Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
