Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
