Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
