Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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