You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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