I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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