soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
