So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
