I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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