i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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