Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he was CRYING into my vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
