Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this just has baby written all over it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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