I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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