But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
