Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
