I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
