you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
