Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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