it's like iHOP with fire
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
