You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
