am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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