Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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