i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
