Your face is a jimmy john
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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