They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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