my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
