Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
