Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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