Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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