I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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