I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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