i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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