Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
