So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
