I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
