Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
